Saturday, April 01, 2006

ok i'm feeling better so i shall now explain why am i feeling so lousy.
Anthea declared just yesterday that we will have a practical assessment at the end of the semester 1. i initially thought the practical assessment will only be held at the end of sem 2 but i'm wrong. at first, i thought it's fine coz my progress went quite smoothly. but yesterday, something went damn wrong. and my confidence just plunged into the drain. i tried to examine Di's eyes and dunno why, i couldn't get her correct refraction.. it's either cos her eyes were accommodating too much which confused me or coz i'm just so lousy with my refraction. then in the break, i looked through my notes again, hoping that i can refine my skills for the next session.
in the afternoon pract, i paired up with Ju. i thought it's damn good coz we were pretty close so there won't be awkwardness.. but her eyes are damn hard to examine. i know her refraction is very high and i thought tt it will be a challenge for me. i tried the retinoscope on her.. ok i can find her sphere but i have problem with her cyl. she said her cyl isn't very high but i got much higher cyl from ret. argh!!! i checked again and again and i still got the same thing. then Anthea checked for me and she said i have done it correctly.. so she couldn't see anything wrong with it too. i should feel relieved but i dun.. i just feel that maybe i have done something wrong.. now, i have no confidence in my skills anymore.. maybe the past weeks have been a lie or it have been just chance tt i can get the correct refraction. then when Di and Ju checked my eyesight, they got my refraction quite accurately. then it just makes me think tt i'm the only one who has probem now..
i admit that i have been rather confident in the past few weeks that i didn't spend much time trying to read up and refine my skills.. usually, i only read my practical notes and then just go for my pract. i have made a decision to work harder on my skills.. i need to. especially when there is a pract assessment! i have higher goal this year - to prefect my skills and to be a flexible thinker.
ok i'm feeling really troubled and stressed after my practical, then my cousin wants to anger me when he got home. we helped to celebrate his birthday on Thursday night but he didn't feel grateful about it and he even want to argue with me about some unimportant stuff. i dun wish to touch on the details.. by the way, it's his birthday that made me so tired and caused me less time to read up my pract notes before Friday's pract. see, it's partly his fault too. after that, i got really depressed and i dun wish to say anything more.. and i just kept myself in my room all night. to make things worse, i couldn't sleep well at night.. the strong wind made a lot of noise on the window and then it got really cold.. ok i can sense that it's autumn now. autumn signify sadness huh?
anyway, i am having neuroscience test next wed and i thought it's just mcqs. but Prof Paul told us on Thurs that we need to answer one essay qns too. damn!! i haven't even started to study.. see, i'm so screwed right now..

-----------------------------------------------------------
caryn out
@ |4:19 PM|