Thursday, May 04, 2006

let me complain about something. i am getting tired of cooking!! look, i have to THINK of what to cook and WHAT to buy. then i have to go to Vic market every sat to BUY all the stuff we will need for a week. and i have to COOK almost everyday - about 5 days a week. usually i will spend an hour and a half cooking and cleaning up. and my bro and cousin will wash the dishes. my bro's gf works late a few days in a week so i have to cook alone. so tt means more work and more time. i feel really stressed at times coz when i need to study, i still need to cook too. then i will ask myself why am i doing so much more work?? my parents taught me not to mind doing more work than others.. that we are a family so it doesn't matter. but do the others think this way? i feel that if i dun do it then nobody will do it.. there is no point having junk food for dinner everyday right? when i asked my cousin to do something, he will say my brother is not doing either so he is not satisfied. then what about me? i'm doing so much more alright? my sister told me that we are the kind of people that other people like to take advantage of. coz my sister has a worse experience than me. but in my case, they are my family or going to be so i shouldn't mind so much.
i'm doing my third year and it's a really important year for me coz many people tend to fail this year. my sister failed her 2nd yr(coz hers is a 4 yrs'course) and my brother almost failed his 3rd year. so i feel more stressful this year as compared to the previous years.. but i feel that i'm doing more housework this year and since my cousin is new here, i also have to settle stuff for him sometimes too. all these factors just build up my pressure. and i'm not going home this june. that means i cannot escape from this environment until i go back to M'sia in dec. i feel that no one can help me at all. i think i'm hiding more of my emotions inside myself. i can't let them out.. i dun want to make people unhappy. i dun want people to hate me. i just wish i can go back home right now.
besides, i also experience problems in school sometimes.. i think i am a person who thinks too much and it will just make myself unhappy.

to syl: i can't do what i have promised. i can't blog about happy stuff when i'm feeling unhappy.
to joy and danni: actually living with parents when u are still studying is a good thing. how i wish my parents are staying with me now. declare your independence after graduation ba.

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caryn out
@ |4:37 PM|